Tuesday, January 25, 2011

What I carry with me.

In a room of close to two thousand people it's hard to find a quiet corner to talk in. That's why we had found a dead end hallway the most suitable area for the unwind. It'd been a long 6 months that left me Emotionally - exhausted. Physically - exhausted. Mentally - defeated. Verbally - unfiltered. A time when I probably would have remained so guarded had my footsteps not directed me straight towards my lovely friend. She knew where I was coming from, literally and metaphorically. She had been with me in the events leading up to such a time. Leading up to the moment when I let everything out. Every pent up emotion. Every snide sentence written in my mind. Every ounce of indifference towards the words I was saying. Every single last hurt and frustration. Everything that'd been in my backpack. That old blue backpack. It was getting heavy. Six years is too much life to store in that backpack, it wasn't meant for that, just for school and a few overnight trips. It didn't have space for so many relationships. That backpack was bound to rip at the seams eventually. When it did, there was a certain beauty to the disaster. The way that everything hit the floor and bounced then settled into their space in the hall. Each to be examined and filtered before resuming it's position. All that was placed back was the new list, that's carried with me everywhere I go, that's what belongs in the backpack. What's worthy to endure my travels. This is what I took with me after that beautiful breakdown, abandoning all other problems, taking with me the prize from the rubble.

On a folded piece of white computer paper reads: to be carried out in any order at any time. to be reminded of the pleasures of life. to be added to when needed.
I enjoy reading books. getting coffee. hanging up my hammock. watching a movie with friends. praying for people. listening to my vinyl records. skateboarding. meeting new people. painting. learning new things. going on adventures. staying up late.. by myself. watching the sunrise. watching the sunset. climbing trees as high as I can go. writing encouraging notes/letters for people. Surprising them. singing. being a leader. speaking. writing. photography. blogging. wandering around on my own two feet. taking a walk with God. getting lost. Looking through thrift stores for a gem. sitting in a grassy area. playing jump rope. playing board games. holding my hand out the window. spending time with a stranger until they no longer are a stranger. dating. making journals. going to shows. having a conversation with my dad. visiting my Marietta Family. going on walks with people. playing in the rain. sharing a meal with friends. cooking. spending days without a phone, computer, or tv. playing with sidewalk chalk. blowing bubbles. enjoying music for the sake of music. learning. exploring other cultures taking a piece with me. trivia. celebrating birthdays. playing with little kids. doing things for no other reason than because I can. spending the night at someone's house. being a guest. shadows. being at the house by myself. reading the newspaper. eating an apple while walking. sitting on countertops. standing on furniture. living simply. going to the grocery store. believing in the impossible. going to games. camping. changing my hairstyle. swimming in rivers. doing impressions of people. being silly. thinking. studying maps. baking pumpkin chocolate chip cookies with steph. actually believing in Peace. sketching. learning other languages. imagining. finding new music. crunching leaves. eating ice. working to live on my dime. traveling. Whistling.sitting on front porches. walking on the beach. building a fort. arguing. getting letters in the mail. talking to telemarketers. reading old journals. drinking pumpkin spice lattes. wearing layers of clothes. sunshine on my skin. going to museums. planning trips. looking at national geographic photo of the day. driving past the lamp store on baxter. people watching. lighting candles. wearing hoodies. spending time by myself. sitting in a coffee shop all day. playing snake. talking to older generations. loving & being loved. being free.

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