Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Happy 1 month!

Someone asked me how long I'd been here, living with Kristin & Bert, I had to think about it... did you know it's been a month. 1 whole month. Already. Isn't that crazy! There's only a month and a half left. This summer is FLYING by! 
Anyway I thought that was really cool. 
I'm not a crier. I don't like to cry. I don't cry during sad movies. I don't cry when other people are crying. I don't cry when I'm injured... most of the time. I don't cry at funerals (usually).. after all I've been to so many that I lost count. I especially don't cry in front of anyone. Except tryna that girl I think I start to cry and she's the only person I want to call. Anyway. I don't cry much. Except this summer. I have cried more this summer... especially in front of people... than I ever have before in my life. Really, last night I sat down on the floor BALLIN. Not just the few tears you wipe away with your shirt sleeve. No I'm talkin I sat down on the floor nose runnin, water everywhere, my eyes hurt, and I'm shaking crying. Those of you reading this... especially Chelsea (who's momma instinct is kickin in wants to hug me and I can see her with a contorted face saying.. babyy!) ... you probably want to know why. 
I'm not going to go into all the shady details, but when it comes down to it. I think forgiving yourself is one the hardest things to do. I've gone through some forgiveness of some important people in my life, but I never considered why I didn't feel free from those things. (ha, could I be anymore vague? Although, If you really know me... you know) I wrote down a question, Asking God why I still have guilt & feel bogged down by that stuff. That is when I sat down in the corner of the room as I remembered things I had blocked out in my memory. Things I've never dealt with. Things I never told anyone. Things that I needed to forgive myself for doing and ask for this person to forgive me. I did. I slept so well last night too. I didn't really go to sleep early... but I definitely feel refreshed. 
On that note. I'm supposed to be almost dressed and ready to go ... OOPS. Better get going! 
Love you guys. 

No comments: