Monday, August 24, 2009

offend - (verb)

Once again there are tears below the surface. I'm scared for everyone I come in contact with today, somewhere along the way I anticipate someone to say something that just unlocks the tear ducts of steel.

I'm having a hard time articulating what's happening right now. I find myself prepared for this year to come. I see the ways the plans I made that I was dissatisfied with were in fact the plans of the Lord.. and once again... I concede. He knows what he's doing.

But here I am, in the place I want to be. Going deeper. Learning more than ever about the Lord. Stepping into the roles He alone has placed me in, by His power. Setting my eyes on the Lord. Excited about the relationships he's creating for me with those around me. Giving myself to Him... Yet I'm struggling with this concept. Is this what He's teaching me right now?

Offend - verb. to irritate, annoy, or anger; cause resentful displeasure in. to affect disagreeably.

With my focus on the Lord and Him providing so many relationships that surround makes a busy schedule hard to keep up with old friends. It's been a week and I seem to have already offended friends that aren't in the same places physically as me. If I know I'm exactly where the Lord wants me, am I supposed to accept that some will be offended by my priorities? Am I learning that not all who say they are my friends will be supportive of where I am right now and will be offended if they aren't completely included in my life? I guess I'm asking is it sometimes necessary to offend those you love to be devoted to your First Love?

I don't know if that came out clearly at all... to me my writing always seems scattered. it's okay though... it's more for me to understand what I'm thinking. Except today... I don't think I've quite thought through to the solution. answer. or resolved the conflict in my head.

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