Thursday, May 27, 2010


I wouldn't really classify myself as a singer. Not at all really. I wouldn't even classify myself as a backup singer... yet I identify with the psalmist that says Sing to the Lord a new song. I will sing to the Lord a new song. It's sometimes difficult to find the new song... maybe not for you. For me i feel like a dumb horse with blinders on.... I can't see past exactly what's in front of me. I can only focus on what's happening that it forms a mental block. I can't sing a new song because all i see is the song i've been singing. (so i might get a few senses intertwined.. oh well its for me not you).
Or A desire for more of the Lord. A desire for His presence. A desire to learn... a hunger. But I'm so focused on where I am and how it's a sucky black pit of gunk, that I can't see my way out of it. But when you do get out..... when you can sing a new song..... it feels like you're unbuttoning the collar that has been choking you for so long. That has sat as a reminder of the uncomfortability (is that a word?) with where you've been.... it's now gone. Loosened. Relief. What causes that change? it doesn't matter. It's different every time you're gasping for air. It'll be different next time. There will be a next time.
I'm into reducing stress in my life right now. Trying to hold onto things that only cause more stress is harmful to me. Sometimes I get a little too focused on my role in life that I forget to maintain my own. To say no. To cut back. To reduce. to delete. to reevaluate. It's not a bad thing. It may seem negative. It may seem cruel. But it's not.. it's to protect myself.
I will not spend another day in my class unable to focus and take notes because of the amount of anger I have... NO. produce stress/anger in my life? .. gone.

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