Wednesday, June 9, 2010

oh my day.

Although at the surface I appear to be a fairly nostalgic person... It's typically a fleeting nostalgic thought. Today it was much more than that. I sat in my room. on the floor hoodie over my head and blanket over that (can you tell i wanted to be in my comfy place?)... reading my journals. from the moment I began journaling to today. I read them all... I've only done this once before... and it was highlighter in hand last summer to reassure myself that I heard from the Lord and was thus prophetic. ha. Looking back that was such a funny night with God. This afternoon was a bit different. The Lord reminded me of who I am. In a huge way. He showed me where we've been.... The times where I wrote begrudgingly to the Lord. The times where I was hurt and wanted the pieces to be picked up. Things about myself I didn't even remember.. such as my love for coloring. I used to color when I was stressed. Or upset... especially when angry. I've not done that since college. I saw my prayer life develop. I saw how the Lord taught me how to pray. I saw .... HOW STINKING WEIRD I WAS... in high school. Really... weird.
My mom has always said that to get me to do something I needed lots of reminders.. Turns out ... I still need a lot of reminders. for anything.(such as who I am.. say huh?) I am who I am because of my days spent there.
It's humbling to see my stumbling through life... to see the struggle. To know that the Lord is proud of your struggle. He sees it. He saw it. He saw the time. He saw the yes. He saw it. It's only important to Him that there was a struggle...
i'm not going to wrap up loose ends. you can find me on my floor tonight.
i leave you with this:
press play for 2o minutes. rest.

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