Saturday, November 19, 2011

The prefix makes all the difference

Dependence doesn't come naturally for me. I think of myself as being alone a lot; not in the lonely depressive way; I merely mean that the thought to rely on another for anything never crosses my mind. When I picture myself & my life at the moment, I see a Jester character keeping all the objects rolling in the air at all times. Asking for help is humbling & hard. It hurts a little, you know. Dependency is my vulnerability. It's my weakest moment.
This might be why I love that verse "Who is this coming up out of the desert leaning on her beloved." leaning. Depending. relying on. being conditional on. To be conditional on. I like that one. be conditional on. The condition is the dependency. To actually need them. Not like you need coffee; like you need air. Dependency is like love.
I resist that. With every fiber of my being I resist dependency; but oh how I do not want to. I want to come out of the desert leaning. Leaning. I want to be dependent. Dependent on the Lord. Whom we see dimly in a mirror but one day Face-to-Face. now we know in part, but then we will know fully just as we also have been fully known.  (1cor13:12). That's in the love chapter.
You might not, I'd venture a guess that you certainly do not have any clue the significance of this little flow of thoughts but its good.

Who is this coming out of the desert leaning on her beloved. 

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