Overdramatized Conundrums by Yours Truly

I have this perpetual problem. When I sit down to read a book, I just feel inspired to write and when I sit down to write I just feel inspired to read.

half the time I would say I spend a few minutes doing each and then get tired of being indecisive and just decide to watch a movie instead. Which I supremely hate, I really do enjoy reading more than I enjoy watching a movie... A movie is just the lazy way out. [unless it's a foreign film with subtitles?... just sayin...] Maybe I should just attempt to write a movie, given my limited experience, I would assume that is a far easier task to say than to actually do. Would you like to know the number of times I have attempted to write a book? That is an impressive defeat. I've merely written dozens of essays, never getting anywhere near to "book" material. A book is daunting. I'd like to.

I also watch movies and then feel inspired to write. But what about? That's what my journal is comprised of these days. Page after page of filtering ideas of what to write about. I've chatted with lots of fellow bloggers and we all seem to have the same problem - when life picks up, with seemingly everything to write about, little writing actually ever transpires. When you life a life that is inspired, it's important to not forget all the ideas you'd like to write about. That's why I've decided I am going to carry a tiny journal with me everywhere. How should I ever expect to confine my thoughts to just the time that I sit down with a pen and paper? Even more, how could I possibly rely solely upon my memory to write when I do sit down?

Memories are tricky things.

Listen to To Live Deliberately

To Live Deliberately

I can hear the birds chirping. I don't think I've stopped to listen to them all semester. Finally, now, I can rest and listen to the birds chirp, eat a proper breakfast, and breathe. It's hard to articulate a breath, to put it into words. I think discernment of people's breaths is a good measure of how well you know someone. This "ahhh" was the most releasing breath. I don't think I've had a day like this all semester. One in which, I literally have no expectations. I have zero class assignments that I'm putting off. I have no concrete plans for the day. Only time to rest. I'm surrounded by stacks of clean clothes, and stacks of dirty clothes. There are books and papers strewn arbitrarily throughout my room, set wherever I last studied with them. Among the remnants of finals week there are also countless coffee mugs, a handful of water cups, numerous candy wrappers, lots of misplaced pens (not a single one in it's proper place), folded blank pieces of paper ready to receive last ditch notes, and more windows open on my Mr. Mac than I really know what to do with.

I changed my clothes today (typically not a significant detail about my life until i realized i'd been wearing the same clothes for two days last night); I managed to put together the most fashionable finals attire possible to take my last exam this morning at 8am. I have always heart the saying ....Dress to Impress! :)

[brown cords, black and gray striped wool cardigan, tie dye shirt, with a purple coat & gray converses]. I know you're jealous.. you don't even have to say it.

I've considered taking a nap, but would much rather enjoy my day of no expectations. Perhaps I will understand a little more what Thoreau means when he says,

"I went into the woods because I want to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

[I hope he didn't intend life deliberately to be void of spontaneity... ]

I can't even order Gumby's Pokey Sticks for finals munchies. r.i.p.

2:32 am - same location as before. Not moved an inch.

17 pages conquered. 4 chapters read. now all we can do is pray that i will wake up in 4 hours with a full night's rest. Ready to take a test, work, and study for my exam that is on Tuesday morning. SHABLAMMY whammy.

i'm toast.

good news: i still like my major. even though this class has been the most boring. ridiculous. not stressful just a pain in the booty class to take. hard for people who didn't pay attention in world history, economics, gov, or any other social science classes you might've had in high school... but for those of us who have had a natural interest in the subject ... the topics of discussion seem to be coming a bit redundant... i'm pumped about next semester... HUZZAH. 2 IA classes: Human Rights and one on Genocide.

i know. depressing. heavy. yadda yadda... the neon sign that I can see.... INTERESTING!!!!!!!!!!

cablammmy. mammy.

time to sleepy for just a minute.

5 alarms at the ready. i'm armed and dangerous, anticipating a reluctant awakening.

have you ever experienced life on your second pot of coffee for the day? ingenious ideas from college students...

quit being such a blog hog! alright so I'm not being a blog hog; i don't really even know what a blog hog is, but what I do know is that I would sincerely love being able to use the term "blog hog" regularly.

Know what time it is? FINALS TIME! chyeah yeah yeah yeah. hooooo hoooo hoooty hooot. (that's for you KB). ooh i like that nickname a ramalamma jamma. KB. yeah. i'm running with it.

I've ingested probably just below the legal limit for before you start experiencing heart palpitations of caffeine today. Accidentally. I just like to have warm coffee when it's study time, so i've maybe made two pots today. maybe.

I just became the lucky lottery winner of the 17 page notes & final materials via email from the wonderful Cody from work. Study time revitalized? FOR SURE!

this morning was a very merrry roommate christmas. Sorry i forgot to take pictures for that but it was 100% a blast. we all spent no more than 5 dollas. and tried to be resourceful, crafty, and thoughtful. (I think all parties involved would consider the event a success).

ALRIGHTY. back to my time line of Authoritarianism ---------- Totalitarianism & [----] represents everything in between... and yes. there definitely is an area of in between.

Dosvedanya! (i forgot to mention prior to this lottery winning moment. i was watching Anastasia ... putting me in the moving away from democracy mood... ya know. )

The beauty of love as it was made to be

you should know this song has sent my thoughts in a swirl. i love art. artists. musicians. create. the creative. it stops me dead in my tracks. the best part is the half way through sounding part. where the song just picks up and jams...

mahhh. i think one of the things i like most about songs is there is usually a point in the song (especially with mumford) when it just sounds like it's exploding out of them.. like they cannot contain themselves anymore .. it's beautiful to me. it strikes me. i put it on repeat. and wonder what they are thinking at that moment. I bob my head a little bit more. I tap my feet. I sing a long. I repeat the lyrics over and over trying to understand them. it's simple.

love will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free. the beauty of love as it was made to be.

it's time to shine.

I think I'm learning to read in between the lines. I've never been very good at this task... people rarely say what they really mean. I'm a straightforward person. I try my hardest to put into words what I really mean. Unfortunately, I'm convinced that I create my own language on a regular basis so the straightforwardness part of my character comes off a bit confusing to a majority of people - especially those that have not known me for very long. I took a personality test, it said i'm INFP. whatever that means. hear hear INFP'S.

If you hang out in google reader, this new post might come as a shock to you, or if you just check my blog frequently... i think my point is... this is only post 21 of all semester. Yikes. You might be wondering what i've been doing all semester.

I've been taking classes. hellllo Junior Year, we're in full swing. I've been living and loving my roommates. (There are 4 of us total). We're cute. we decorate together. and plan dinners together. and just are such cute homies. I've been working, tons & tons. I'm a lunch lady if you didn't know. ha. it's lovely. If you're wondering about my list... well, progress is being made and is kind of on pause. Time is so hard to find. My piano skills have not made much progress either, I might've actually digressed in abilities. but that's okay. I have tea and digestives regularly. I got a new coffee mug today. :) the little things that make you happy are what counts. I've been very pensive this semester. I've made new friends. Love love love my small groupy. We decorated the apt. for christmas. it looks GOOOD. i'm obsessed with the cheap walmart "hazelnut cream" candle. yes siree bobalooey. it's so wonderful. I've been through I cannot even begin to count the number of yogurt containers. way too many. I've been in this funnnnnnnny spot. very unique. It might come from realizing.... this time of my life is QUICKLY drawing to a close. look how fast this semester has flown right on by!

you know what i just realized? the reason I liked to blog so much was because when I blog frequently I never sit down feeling the need to tell people the monotonous details of my months, instead I can just hammer out my thoughts. This whole few times a month thing leaves me always summarizing how i spend my time rather than opening the window to air out my mind. blahh. i'm going to try to be more consistent about this.